Obviously it is important to make sure that medically his needs are being addressed, but the best thing that a parent of a troubled child can do is be a pillar of strength. I highly recommend watching a few episodes of ABC's SuperNanny, because it is a really good example of how even extremely chaotic households can be turned around if the mother and father are firm, fair, and above all consistent. It is VITAL that you do not tolerate the drugs, alcohol, sexual activity, and especially the sneaking out at night. If you need to install an alarm system to keep him in, so be it. If he needs to be supervised every minute of the day to make sure he is not getting into trouble, so be it. The flipside of this is how incredibly important it is to be loving, kind, warm, and encouraging. If you're all discipline and no love, you're just a drill seargeant. But if you're all affection and no authority, you're ineffective. It is important that you try to work on things from here on out based on the boy as he is; try to not use his rough beginning as an excuse or explanation for anything, because it was 12 years ago.  You know that it may always impact him, but he shouldn't know you think that. He should think that you think he is 100% accountable for his actions.

There is also a book Teenwise, that I haven't read, but the other books in the series have been helpful to me. 

Smart Love Family Services provides offer counseling, parent coaching, child development and parenting classes. They have offices in Chicago and Oak Park and even does parent coaching over the phone if needed. You can check them out online at www.smartlovefamily.org and call 708.660.4300 Smart Love is a kind and effective approach to parenting that is based on the latest knowledge of what a child’s mind is like at birth and how it develops through childhood. Smart Love shows parents that they don’t have to choose between hard discipline and soft permissiveness to guide their children’s behavior. There is a compassionate middle ground called loving regulation that enables parents to help their children learn to regulate themselves while building a deeply satisfying relationship with them. Smart Love helps parents focus on meeting the long-term goal of parenting: to raise children to become happy, secure, and successful adults who make healthy choices on their own. The Smart Love approach to parenting was developed by Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D., and William J. Pieper, M.D., and is described in the book, Smart Love: The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline that Will Make You a Better Parent and Your Child a Better Person. (Harvard Common Press, 1999.) Their most important finding is that we are all born to love whatever care we receive and to want more of it. Because children learn to treat themselves and others as they are treated, Smart Love guidelines for managing behavior and nurturing children are always compassionate and kind rather than negative and authoritarian. Smart Love offers an alternative for parents who are uncomfortable with formal methods of discipline and who are deeply concerned with helping their children make safe and healthy choices.Smart Love helps parents focus on the long-term goal of parenting: to raise children to become happy, secure and successful adults who make healthy choices.

Oh my god my I am demented too my boy 14 is vile horrible sneaking out every night coming home at any hour.He is adhd and on monday i am going to start on the medication,there no choice we spent 6hours in police station for stealing a phone ,he was scared but he now back to normal,God it hard